Which Oblivion Companion Are You?
Not even the Nine Divines can save you from this NPC test.
You just heard Kvatch is under siege by an Oblivion gate. First move?
About This Quiz
Stop right there criminal scum! It's time to find out which Oblivion companion shares your glitchy, mudcrab-fueled existence. Picture the smoke curling over Kvatch, the Black Horse Courier hawking half-truths, and a chorus of guards who still think sweetroll theft is high treason. In that mess stands you, armed with questionable coping mechanisms and a few dialogue options you probably shouldn’t choose. Kvatch is burning, better get started.
All Questions & Answers
You just heard Kvatch is under siege by an Oblivion gate. First move?
• Sprint there yelling motivational slogans. Someone needs a hype man.
• Slip in through the back, tally guard patrols, wait for perfect strike.
• Grab whatever blunt object’s closest and ask questions later.
• Pray, polish the helm, then charge. Nine Divines will guide the swing.
• Start packing books on Oblivion lore. Knowledge is fire retardant, right?
• Send scouts, plan fallback points, brew strong coffee.
Finish this classic: “I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I __.”
• got distracted cheering a Champion until sunrise.
• found arrows work better in other people’s knees.
• took a mace to the face and kept swinging.
• knelt for nine straight hours in pilgrimage.
• opened a book and never walked out of the library.
• accepted a desk job at Cloud Ruler because someone had to.
A guard shouts “STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!” What’s actually in your pocket?
• Fresh sweetroll I definitely paid for. Probably.
• A Black Hand token. Mind your business.
• Silver longsword you’re totally returning to the armory.
• Random Daedric artifact. Don’t touch the spikes.
• Scroll titled Mysterium Xarxes Cliff Notes.
• Just the day’s briefing scrolls and quill.
Sheogorath offers you cheese or madness. You pick:
• Both, screaming praise while taste-testing.
• Madness. Already had cheese yesterday.
• Cheese wedge big enough to use as shield.
• Decline, cite Divines’ dietary restrictions.
• Ask if cheese contains arcane properties.
• Note caloric content; save kingdom first, snack later.
Black Horse Courier headline about you would read:
• “Mysterious Hooded Figure Solves Problems, Leaves No Footprints.”
• “Local Orc Smashes Bandit Problem (And Furniture).”
• “Cheerful Blond Won’t Stop Following Arena Champion.”
• “Knight Polishes Armor, Criminals Flee In Terror.”
• “Reclusive Scholar Rumored Heir to Dragonblood.”
• “Cloud Ruler Analyst Predicts Next Oblivion Gate.”
During the Arena Grand Champion match, you’re most likely to:
• Throw both hands up and scream “By Azura!” on loop.
• Take bets, rig outcomes quietly.
• Watch for combat form. Note improvements for your guild.
• Pray for everyone’s souls mid-decapitation.
• Study the magicka sparking off enchanted blades.
• Patrol stands to keep pickpockets down.
Favorite Oblivion gate hazard?
• Those launch pads that yeet you into lava—wheee!
• Spiked bridges. Perfect trap staging.
• Daedroth who needs six sword hits—good workout.
• Sigil stone puzzles. Glorious cosmic Sudoku.
• Cries of captured soldiers that spur valor.
• None. Risks are inefficiency incarnate.
You find a copy of The Lusty Argonian Maid. You:
• Read passages aloud. Dramatic voices mandatory.
• Laugh once, file it under blackmail material.
• Use it to start campfire. Practicality first.
• Leave it untouched; impure thoughts slow crusaders.
• Study cultural references for thesis.
• Confiscate it citing library fines.
Preferred birthsign buff:
• The Apprentice. High Magicka, glass nerves.
• The Warrior. Nothing but stats for days.
• The Steed. Zoomies for assassinations.
• The Ritual. Free heal equals free forgiveness.
• The Lord. Tough hide, fiery heart.
• The Atronach. No Magicka regen? Plan harder.
When Mudcrabs attack:
• Admire their feisty spirit before punting.
• Sneak attack. No witnesses to this embarrassment.
• Cast homemade Fireball.
• Stand on rock and cheer them on.
• Pray for their tiny souls mid-swing.
• Log habitat data for next patrol report.
Rumors in Chorrol say you:
• saved a cat from a tree, narrated entire event.
• sleep with a dagger under pillow and smile.
• bench-pressed a minotaur, twice.
• donated entire reward to chapel.
• corrected Mages Guild lecture notes mid-sleep.
• file detailed weather reports daily.
Your preferred method to close an Oblivion gate:
• Charge straight to Sigil Stone, screaming memes.
• Sneak past everything, steal stone, vanish.
• Escort every guard safely, tactical formations.
• Lead with prayer, swing second.
• Use fireball to carve shortcuts; note observations.
• Wait outside gate; sell snacks to travelers.
Nerevarine visits from Morrowind. Your reaction:
• Ask for autograph plus selfie scroll.
• Offer dark contract. Heroes make excellent clients.
• Challenge to spar; legends need testing.
• Discuss tribunal theology over tea.
• Arrange full honor guard escort.
• Politely decline meeting. Too many variables.
A Daedra offers power for your soul. You:
• Politely fan-girl, but keep soul intact.
• Already have five backup souls. Deal.
• Refuse, recite Ten Commands of the Nine.
• Negotiate clause for extra strength training.
• Ask about research rights to Daedric planes.
• Decline; contingency plans beat dark bargains.
Most quoted line to annoy friends:
• “By Azura, by Azura, BY AZURA!”
• “Sweetroll? Someone stole YOURS too?”
• “Praise be Akatosh. Mind the gap.”
• “Mudcrab merchant had better prices.”
• “For honor and for Chorrol!”
• …just silence...they fear your hush.
Roll credits. Your epilogue shows you:
• Gazing unblinkingly at the Champion’s statue till dawn.
• Leaving a black rose on a fresh grave, unseen.
• Hoisting a bandit over shoulder, laughing.
• Placing your sword on an altar, kneeling quietly.
• Sealing forbidden tomes in a vault, candle flicker.
• Charting patrol routes for a rebuilt Kvatch.
